#Depression-Its Ok#

Thank you. Sometimes I need a reminder like this….
Love untitled @_@

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#None of that…but One#

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My friends and I were having a conversation the other day, and we realized that 2016 was coming to a close. A mere 10 days left of yet another year gone too quickly. I can’t say that 2016 was an extreme year for me; there were some great highs and some intense lows. But overall, it was a good year.

So we began to go around the table, stating resolutions and promises for the new year to come, and when it came to me I said, “None of that..but One”.

“What?” they exclaimed. “You the eternal optimist? The resolution maker? The goal achiever? What does that even mean?”

“It means” I said “That this year, I am having none of that, but for One thing. And that thing is, I’m going to choose Me”.

This was met with a varied chorus of  ‘Good-for-yous’ and ‘Whatevers’-but to me, that was the only thing that popped into my head. For the first time in my life, when I think of the New Year-I see nothing. No goals, no plans, no resolutions, no outlines.  Just a blank, white space.

And I realized, it’s because I made the decision to put myself first and I know NOTHING about myself. I am so used to putting others before me, to living and thinking and being another’s version of myself, that when I actually think about Me objectively-It’s just a blank white space.

This year, I am choosing to get to know Me. And it’s pretty damn exciting!

For the first time in my life, the spotlight is on Me. I get to focus entirely on myself first. I get to meet myself, befriend myself, learn about how I work, what makes me tick, what are my weak spots, how my brain runs, how my heart beats. Its pretty cool and I encourage you to try it.

For 2017, Choose You. Take time for You. Look at You. Meet You. Discover You. Be with You. Learn about You. Like You. Share You. Protect You. Speak Up for You. Respect You. Love You.

This is not a selfish act. It is a generous act, because when you love and take care of You, you can love and take care of Others properly. It’s a ripple effect. Everyone wins.

So hears to the coming of a wonderful New Year! May 2017 be filled with all the love, happiness, health, wealth, success, safety and magic in the world for you.

Take care and talk soon.

LoveUntitled @_@

#A Poet’s Piece#

imagePoetry by Nayirah Waheed

I sent this piece to a friend today, a budding Poet who’s love for words rival my own, and her reaction was just lovely.

Here’s what she texted me…

“Honest to goodness gracious. These words are exactly what I need right now. Thank you sooooo much! xx”

That’s the beauty of the words of Nayyirah Waheed-there is always a verse to move your soul to peace. For me, she generates hope. And at the end of the day, hope is where my faith lies.

LoveUntitled @_@

 

 

#Depression-It’s Ok#

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Poet Nayyirah Waheed

 

I’ve always wanted to get into poetry, and just for that I have found it to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever undertaken. I’ve read a variety of poets but somehow I never felt a connection.

You know that feeling of sudden awareness when a word or phrase reflects perfectly your immediate state of being? And your eyes widen and your heart contracts almost painfully with the knowledge that someone out there gets you? That connection. I’ve had it with many authors but, scarcely, with poets. Until now.

Nayyirah Waheed gets me. Or I get her. Or it’s a mutual ‘I-get-you’, I don’t know. But when I first read this verse, my heart skipped a beat in recognition. I felt relief. I am not a freak, I am not crazy, I am not scary. I’m just sick-and that is ok.

I write a lot about Depression and Mental Illness and i worry sometimes that I am dragging my readers down. My blog is about expressing things I love, and I try to keep it upbeat and fun and positive and whimsical; but I also want to keep it authentic and true, and for me Mental Illness is real. I suffer from Chronic Depression and Esteem issues which have directed me to make bad choices for myself and have created the rut i find myself stuck in now. And so I write about it, with the hopes that people will find comfort, relief and inspiration to avoid my mistakes and be comfortable seeking help for themselves.

Sometimes I browse online for information and I only find the how-to’s and success stories of Depression, rarely the struggle-in-the-trenches ones, which makes me feel even more distant from achieving that success myself. So I figured If I share my own stories-the really dark, deep, painful, tearful, debilitating emotions I feel with each episode, maybe another patient out there will relate and feel less alone, less afraid and just…relieved. Relieved that someone else out there understands. Relieved that he/she doesn’t have to suffer alone in silence And relieved that one can talk about it openly and seek help.

I made my first appointment with a psychiatrist for August and I am nervous. How much should I reveal? What will she say? What if I just cry through the whole thing? What if I have to take medication? Nervous much? Yeah, I’m nervous. But I’m tired of trying to handle this alone. I need help. I am very relieved to just say that-I need help.

And as Nayyirah Waheed says, “It is okay to hold your hearts outside of your body…”. That’s how you Heal.

And so, I’m going to continue with that first step, my heart on my sleeve, and start to heal too.

 

LoveUntitled @_@

 

#Christmas Isn’t a Season, It’s a Feeling#

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Edna Ferber could not be more right-Christmas isn’t a season, it’s a feeling. December has arrived and, for me, Christmas has begun.  I’ve always loved this time of year, but recently I’ve realized that I adore the the spirit of the holidays more than the materialism. Amidst that air of nostalgia, generousity and kindness for others over ourselves is the priority and people of all ages get to indulge in Childhood-where Innocence is created and celebrated.

As the years go by, my friends and family  realize that we  don’t want gifts anymore, so instead, we just indugle in the holiday spirit with eachother. That means getting lost in lights and Christmas decorations, staying up late to complete the Christmas movie marathons, reading The Christmas Carol for the 100th time, celebrating Advent at Church, baking Christmas and Indian treats to give to everyone we know, and hitting every Christmas market and festival in the city.

In the end, Christmas ends up being one of the best times of the year  because of all the memories made with everyone. And as my dear Mum always says, “It’s the memories that will keep us all together”.

I’m going to try and document my Christmas Season this year. Feel free to follow me here and on my Instagram love_untitled.

Ttyl 🙂

LoveUntitled @_@

 

 

 

 

#Think About It#

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I have been having a shitty week. And this shit week eventually stirred up some painful past memories, bad feelings and bad habits to boot. The same sad old story kept twirling around in my head and with it came the self-afflicted mental beat down which became apart of my present.

It’s funny how when you are down, the negativity just takes over. You get caught up in a tornado of your own dark thoughts and feelings, oblivious to everything and everyone around you until, all of a sudden, something jerks you back to the present.

This quote did that for me. Just now. Right this minute.

The power of words eh?

LoveUntitled @_@

#The Book In My Purse#

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I love books. So much so that I keep a book in my purse at all times. I pull it out when there’s a long line at the bank,  if I’m waiting for my friend for lunch, I even pulled out my book in Starbucks while waiting for a blind date to show up. Books are literally and figuratively a part of me, they’re my dreamworld come to life.

While my entire being feels beaten down by the fact that my other passion, being a Family Physician, has yet to be fulfilled  ( I am a Canadian IMG waiting for a Family Medicine Residency), I have to admit that my heart loves being at the bookstore. For a few days a week I can escape my daily struggles of becoming a Family Physician and spend a few hours surrounded by thousands of books! In between customers, I browse the aisles, checking out what’s new, what’s old, what’s making a come-back, what needs a thorough re-read because the last time I read it, it sucked. I get to test out the new releases, I have dibs on the last copy available, and I love love love helping kids find the right book for them. I am thrilled when both parents and kids come back and tell me I was right on the money and to recommend more stuff to them. It’s fantastic really.

I think my passion for books started when I was 2 years old. My mother used to buy me those read-along Disney paperbacks, you know where the cassette goes ding and you turn the page? From that moment on, books were my world, not real life. Even today, books are my thing. I play out their stories according to my own imagination and emotions, like a movie running through my head, perfectly directed by the author for me.

Books are also fabulous teachers. I grew up very sheltered and protected and despite being in my 3os, I feel like I’m still 22-clueless about the real world and real life. Books teach me things. Other peoples’ experiences, opinions, thought processes, choice of words-they all teach me things. And when those lessons collide with a life experience of my own, an explosion of understanding and awareness sets off in me, and I can see and feel things in a different way.

In short, books are amazing and I hope to share my reviews of the current book in my purse right here with you. They are one of the most enjoyable ways to relax and learn,seriously. But the best thing I love about books is that, no matter what you read or how many hours you devote to it, you always come back to real life just a little bit different. You are not the same you before you opened that cover and read that story. That book generates a spark and changes you; and most times, its for the better.

LoveUntitled @_@

#Think About It#

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This is one of my favourite quotes from Maya Angelou, a poet that I am really into these days. i just finished reading one of her books entitled “Letters to My Daughter and the one thing that struck me is how deliberate she was. In every piece of her work, each word is significant, carefully chosen, alone or in combination, to create an impression. Her words paint pictures for me, not flashes or bursts of clarity, but slow and progressive thoughts, that become understood  and absorbed with time.

If you cannot read the above quote properly, let me write it out for you.

“Stand up straight and realize who You are. That You tower over your circumstances. You are a child of God. Stand up straight”

Any time I begin to feel down or ashamed about my circumstances,  I think about these words. Slowly, steadily, sort of like building a wall, they re-inforce me. Brick by brick, little by little, my foundations of self-confidance, self-respect and self-love return and I become stronger and happier and more mindful of the life around me.

And the best part about these words is that the feeling it creates in you, isn’t just a fleeting thing-it establishes roots. It stays with you and grows until eventually it changes you. You become strong and resilient, attuned and steadfast. And you realize that you are a person of significance, a person meant to last.

LoveUntitled @_@

#Words-Think About It#

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This is a quote that I can completely relate to so I thought I would share it. Sometimes I feel like we live in this fast-paced, hyper-competitive, rat race society where everyone is expected to be perfect. To look the look. Talk to the talk. Walk the walk. To know everything. And this doesn’t apply only to adulthood, it actually starts right from childhood.

I think it’s important to remember that, its ok not to know everything. It’s ok to be a beginner and to make mistakes, learn from them, and become all the smarter, wiser, compassionate and more experienced for it.

Being a beginner is a good thing,

 

LoveUntitled @_@