Rudesheim, Germany- Photo by Tio Ceho on the Fivehundredpx/Jose Plaza Photography
Thank you. Sometimes I need a reminder like this….
Love untitled @_@
Hello Friends! I recently started another blog devoted entirely to my obsession with books. It is a love affair that has spanned decades, with each and every book leaving it’s imprint on my life and my perspective of the world. I posted my first official post today, I hope you check it out!
Every year, after the holiday has come and gone, I like to take a moment to just sit by my Christmas tree and reflect on how the season played out. Overall it was a nice Christmas and New Year-with moments of warm cheer, generosity and spirit, but also moments of loneliness, worry and solitude.
The holidays tend to be advertised as “the most wonderful time of the year”, but just like everyday life, it is an emotional rollercoaster, with its beautiful highs and lows amidst the softly falling snow.
While pondering these thoughts by the tree, the following book came to mind. “A Boy Called Christmas” by Matt Haig was gifted to me by the lovely Harper Collins Canada this season and it was wonderful, it completely mirrored my own Christmas spirit. Whenever those polarizing emotions took over me, this book read like a favourite Aunt; empathizing with me…
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My friends and I were having a conversation the other day, and we realized that 2016 was coming to a close. A mere 10 days left of yet another year gone too quickly. I can’t say that 2016 was an extreme year for me; there were some great highs and some intense lows. But overall, it was a good year.
So we began to go around the table, stating resolutions and promises for the new year to come, and when it came to me I said, “None of that..but One”.
“What?” they exclaimed. “You the eternal optimist? The resolution maker? The goal achiever? What does that even mean?”
“It means” I said “That this year, I am having none of that, but for One thing. And that thing is, I’m going to choose Me”.
This was met with a varied chorus of ‘Good-for-yous’ and ‘Whatevers’-but to me, that was the only thing that popped into my head. For the first time in my life, when I think of the New Year-I see nothing. No goals, no plans, no resolutions, no outlines. Just a blank, white space.
And I realized, it’s because I made the decision to put myself first and I know NOTHING about myself. I am so used to putting others before me, to living and thinking and being another’s version of myself, that when I actually think about Me objectively-It’s just a blank white space.
This year, I am choosing to get to know Me. And it’s pretty damn exciting!
For the first time in my life, the spotlight is on Me. I get to focus entirely on myself first. I get to meet myself, befriend myself, learn about how I work, what makes me tick, what are my weak spots, how my brain runs, how my heart beats. Its pretty cool and I encourage you to try it.
For 2017, Choose You. Take time for You. Look at You. Meet You. Discover You. Be with You. Learn about You. Like You. Share You. Protect You. Speak Up for You. Respect You. Love You.
This is not a selfish act. It is a generous act, because when you love and take care of You, you can love and take care of Others properly. It’s a ripple effect. Everyone wins.
So hears to the coming of a wonderful New Year! May 2017 be filled with all the love, happiness, health, wealth, success, safety and magic in the world for you.
Take care and talk soon.
The brilliant Nayyirah Waheed brings it home again.
Straight to the heart.
Eight years ago, I fell in love with my friend. I didn’t realize it till much later, and then I was too scared to say anything, for fear of ruining our friendship. Time passed, we grew apart, but still kept in touch. On a trip to Paris however, everything changed. I confessed my present love, He confessed his past love, and we realized we were too late. We had lost our chance. The moments were gone and all I am left with now is the ‘what if’-which, to me is the most heart-breaking thing of all.
We’re caught in a Loveship. Neither love, nor friendship-but the something in between. In order to get over my heartbreak, I wrote down every memory I have of Him in my journal. It made me smile and cry. He is a wonderful man and I want to celebrate His moments in my life, celebrate Him so much that eventually I can let Him go with a smile-and genuinely mean it.
As a result, I thought I’d share my story here. With You. I chose art by illustrator Pascal Campion (www.pascalcampion.com/shop) to complement each post because I just love his work. To me, his illustrations personify Love in all it’s forms and I think, in this case at least, he captures my “Loveship” perfectly.
Wish me luck..
Poetry by Nayirah Waheed
I sent this piece to a friend today, a budding Poet who’s love for words rival my own, and her reaction was just lovely.
Here’s what she texted me…
“Honest to goodness gracious. These words are exactly what I need right now. Thank you sooooo much! xx”
That’s the beauty of the words of Nayyirah Waheed-there is always a verse to move your soul to peace. For me, she generates hope. And at the end of the day, hope is where my faith lies.
Poet Nayyirah Waheed
I’ve always wanted to get into poetry, and just for that I have found it to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever undertaken. I’ve read a variety of poets but somehow I never felt a connection.
You know that feeling of sudden awareness when a word or phrase reflects perfectly your immediate state of being? And your eyes widen and your heart contracts almost painfully with the knowledge that someone out there gets you? That connection. I’ve had it with many authors but, scarcely, with poets. Until now.
Nayyirah Waheed gets me. Or I get her. Or it’s a mutual ‘I-get-you’, I don’t know. But when I first read this verse, my heart skipped a beat in recognition. I felt relief. I am not a freak, I am not crazy, I am not scary. I’m just sick-and that is ok.
I write a lot about Depression and Mental Illness and i worry sometimes that I am dragging my readers down. My blog is about expressing things I love, and I try to keep it upbeat and fun and positive and whimsical; but I also want to keep it authentic and true, and for me Mental Illness is real. I suffer from Chronic Depression and Esteem issues which have directed me to make bad choices for myself and have created the rut i find myself stuck in now. And so I write about it, with the hopes that people will find comfort, relief and inspiration to avoid my mistakes and be comfortable seeking help for themselves.
Sometimes I browse online for information and I only find the how-to’s and success stories of Depression, rarely the struggle-in-the-trenches ones, which makes me feel even more distant from achieving that success myself. So I figured If I share my own stories-the really dark, deep, painful, tearful, debilitating emotions I feel with each episode, maybe another patient out there will relate and feel less alone, less afraid and just…relieved. Relieved that someone else out there understands. Relieved that he/she doesn’t have to suffer alone in silence And relieved that one can talk about it openly and seek help.
I made my first appointment with a psychiatrist for August and I am nervous. How much should I reveal? What will she say? What if I just cry through the whole thing? What if I have to take medication? Nervous much? Yeah, I’m nervous. But I’m tired of trying to handle this alone. I need help. I am very relieved to just say that-I need help.
And as Nayyirah Waheed says, “It is okay to hold your hearts outside of your body…”. That’s how you Heal.
And so, I’m going to continue with that first step, my heart on my sleeve, and start to heal too.
I have been having a shitty week. And this shit week eventually stirred up some painful past memories, bad feelings and bad habits to boot. The same sad old story kept twirling around in my head and with it came the self-afflicted mental beat down which became apart of my present.
It’s funny how when you are down, the negativity just takes over. You get caught up in a tornado of your own dark thoughts and feelings, oblivious to everything and everyone around you until, all of a sudden, something jerks you back to the present.
This quote did that for me. Just now. Right this minute.
The power of words eh?